This is a very sensitive topic that definitely needs to be discussed. Most of our au pairs are still used to going to church and come from Christian homes. It is very rare for an au pair to mention that she no longer goes to church, and in general it is of great importance for au pairs to mention that they still come from homes where Christian values and norms play a big role. They are also proud of it and it should be that way. 

However, this is not the case in the Netherlands. It is very rare, if ever, that a family will mention that they still go to church. Usually an au pair has no problem with going to such a family, because although they no longer go to church, the Dutch do want to raise their children with values and norms that are acceptable to the community. Most of the time, the children are also sent to Christian schools. The fact that most families do not go to church does not mean that they are necessarily all atheists, and even if one here and there is an atheist, it does not necessarily make them bad people. 

Usually the au pairs have no problem being accepted by such a family, as long as the family only allows her the freedom to go to the church of her choice on Sundays. Furthermore, she falls under the rules of the household: no Bible stories are told to the children, and no religious discussions with the children. This is therefore not the opportunity for the au pair to try to “convert” a family, because she will be quickly sent back on a plane. So it is about mutual respect for each other’s different  views and in the past we have had very few significant problems about this. 

A few things have happened recently that make it necessary to write about this. The au pair is going to the Netherlands on a culture exchange program, and that is why she is placed in a family setting – there the cultural exchange can take place. On Sundays the au pair is normally off and she can go to church if she wants, but the church may not claim the au pair during the week. Even if she has a few hours of “me time”, she can and should spend it with things that will enrich her culturally: – visiting museums, bike rides, visiting cities and towns with other au pairs, attending concerts, attending sports events with the family, goin on trips with the family, spreading her wings to other countries and cities. The first rule that applies is these rules around the cultural exchange, namely the au pair program. 

The church that the au pair goes to on a Sunday may not expect an au pair to help distribute tracts; to help collect money for the church, etc. This is doing work that is not in the job description of an au pair. Likewise, an au pair may not be a waitress at a restaurant in her free time, or do ironing for another family, or babysit children. An au pair is assigned to a specific family (who therefore chooses her) and she may not help out with any task involving children at another family. The laws have become too strict for that, and disregarding these rules leads to fines that the agency must pay to the IND (the institution that draws up the rules and grants the visas). 

A host family has every right  to complain to the agency if they feel that their au pair is being claimed by a church. The au pair then wants to go to church every now and then, also during the week, and then neglects the work and attention she has to give to the house and children. After all, an au pair is in the Netherlands to au pair and not to go to church.  

The visa that is granted relates to the hours that an au pair may work (30 hours per week maximum and 8 hours per day maximum). The word “work” relates to what an au pair may do within the family setting. Going to church is part of the cultural exchange, but “working” for the church is not allowed at all. No claims may therefore be made on the au pairs by the church. This is something that au pairs should pay close attention to. Some au pairs are quite defenseless, especially in the beginning (or perhaps give the impression that they are) and of course they get the sympathy of the members of the church, because they feel strange, are far away from their parents’ homes and who wouldn’t feel sorry for someone like that! But it is a choice that an au pair has made and everyone gets “homesickness”, and also gets over it without the church having to demand its pound of flesh from you, and start influencing, manipulating and indoctrinating you. 

Prospective au pairs who might think that she/he will have a problem with this, should not au pair, because every au pair agency wants to have happy au pairs and happy host families. If one of the two parties is unhappy, because of the interference of a church, we are in big trouble.

We do not care where au pairs find a spiritual home in the Netherlands, as long as there is no interference from the church and no claim to “au pair time” is made.